I read this quote by Albert Camus this morning, and it kind of brought tears to my eyes. I am not sure I can explain why, but it was in a good way.
I love cacti. There is so much beauty to be found in something that people often imagine as stark and desolate. There is so much strength to be found in something that was meant to survive in extreme environments that are unlivable for other plants.
This past Monday, on a cold and rainy San Diego day, we took our dog for a walk through the Balboa Park cactus garden. Since it is winter, we were expecting the cacti to be bare. They don't usually bloom until the spring, but it seems that they are flowering early this year.
It caused me to think about our lives. Our reality doesn't always align with what we anticipate it to be. Our seasons of life aren't clear cut, following a set timeline. Our expectations for life may not be met.
For the first time, we are in a season of life where we aren't experiencing some major life transition: a move, a new job, grad school, etc. We are both working hard, trying to be teachers who make a mark, an impact. We come home and cook new recipes, eat meals with friends, walk our dog, go out for little date nights. Life is simple and life is good.
This season of life leaves me feeling two ways: 1) I am happy and content. 2) I really need to be doing more to make a difference in the world.
My ambition is battling with my contentment, and I am trying really hard to silence the voice of ambition for now. Much like a cactus, this is a winter season for us where we are conserving, storing up our energy and preparing our hearts and home for what the future may hold, whatever season is next, hoping that we will be able to survive whatever environment we may find ourselves in.
I think about last winter, and how it was a dark season for me personally, and I think about last spring, and how it was a dark season for Matt. Then I think about this winter, and how we are both content, and I want to stay here for awhile, in this season of life, together.
Maybe I'm being selfish, maybe I'm silencing the idealist in me a little, and maybe that's okay for this season of life.