Dear Everett Sage: four months old.

Dear Everett Sage, 

It is hard to believe that you are already four months old, but at the same time, it feels like you've been with us forever. You have been my little buddy and my sidekick all day and night for the past four months, transforming who I am as a person. Our bond is deep, so it seems like we've been together much longer. 

It's funny, because I always thought that being a mom was going to be this great selfless act, and while it is, I have gained so much from spending time with you and being your mom already that it doesn't seem selfless at all. You have brought me more love and joy than I could have ever imagined. It's not something I could have ever understood before having you. Although I was so excited to be a mom, and we waited until we were really ready to be parents, being a mom has exceeded my expectations. It is so much better than I could have ever imagined before experiencing it. I just don't think it is something that can be understood until it happens to you. 

Being a mom is also incredibly humbling. I already find myself doing things I thought I would never do as a parent or things that I silently judged before becoming a parent myself. Becoming a parent is a complete life change, and we are still figuring out what parts of our lives pre-parenthood we can hold onto, and what parts we may have to let go for awhile. 

My time as a stay at home mom is going to be over soon. I am going back to teaching, but only part time. I will miss you while we are apart, but I think it will be good for our family. I am going to be doing something that I am passionate about. Teaching for me is more like a calling than a job. I want you to know that I, your mom, had a lot of things I was passionate about before you came along. I have been incredibly lucky to have found my dream job, and I am so grateful to be able to work part time this year while you are young. I don't know what the future holds, because I know it will be a balance that is at times precarious to be a mom and have a career, and I'm sure that things will ebb and flow and there will be different situations in different seasons, but for now, I am grateful for the opportunity to do both. You actually had your first day of school ever this month at the school I teach at, when I went to visit. You were pretty much the star of the show; all of my former and future students thought you were the cutest.

We'll see what this next season of life holds. I love you, little buddy.

Love,
Mama